THE NEW MODEL APPROACHES THE CHAPPY FERRY RAMP

Senator Ted Kennedy is said to have recently recalled his younger days on the island – “it was always hard to swim the channel when the ferry was shut down after midnight, so the idea of making it across in a car always appealed to me. I figured the tires would float the car – boy was I wrong!”

Submarine/car hybrid design has come along way since the Senator’s carefree early days as a drunken menace on Chappaquiddicks roads and estuaries. The new designs sink fully twenty percent slower than the Olds 98 driven by Ted “Captain” Kennedy back in the day. The new designs also stay centered on narrow wooden bridges automatically – even when driving 50 mph down remote dirt roads at night with your headlights off and your pants around your ankles. The wonders of technology!

EARLY HYBRIDS MET WITH MIXED RESULTS

One of the age old challenges to this type of hybrid design is keeping your booze at the correct temperature when submerged. It always gets too cold or too warm, depending on the season, and this can lead to all sorts of unpleasant comments from party guests and friends…aside from the usual “you’ve got seaweed and minnows in your hair” barbs. This problem has been addressed in the new Honda design by including a water-tight, temperature-controlled cooler in the trunk. If, for example, you were to find yourself sunk in a remote area at night, simply go back in the morning after any casualties of the voyage have been taken care of, and presto! When they winch your vehicle out of the bay your spirits are ready to be consumed right away, at the optimum temperature…unless of course you swam the channel to consult with your lawyer that morning and are unavailable.

The bottom line (no pun intended) is that you can’t go wrong buying a hybrid tested under the demanding Chappaquiddick conditions. Like ol’ Teddy himself has been rumored to say, “wetness is just a state of mind – its how you HANDLE the wetness in your life that counts”. So get out there, get liquored up, and drive into a harbor, estuary, river or bay near you as soon as you can!